


Broken

by ellarose04



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2019-03-17 16:50:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13663221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellarose04/pseuds/ellarose04
Summary: You're a young, smart pilot working for the first order. You keep your head down, with nobody noticing you. Until he does. Kylo.





	Broken

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, this is my first fic :) hope you enjoy xx follow my ig: ella.robiinson and dm me with q's.

Broken.

Beep beep. I groaned, rolled over and slammed my hand on my alarm clock. Six months on the Finalizer, and I still wasn’t used to waking up at 5:00 in the morning. But just like General Arse-itage said, the Finalizer never sleeps in. True enough, I guessed. I dragged myself out of bed, rubbing my eyes. I hate my job, I thought. At least it paid well. Better than the Resistance would’ve anyway. A slight pang of guilt ran through me at the thought. The Resistance were meant to be the good guys, and they were always in need of new pilots. But the First Order was safer and better funded, which is exactly why a neutral like me would pick them. 

After I had taken a shower and dressed, I headed towards the cafeteria. If there’s one thing I love more than flying, it’s food. I practically ran towards the cafeteria, but stopped short when I heard the sound of a whoomph and then something breaking. That could only mean one thing. Commander Buckethead was chucking a tantrum ahead. I kinda felt bad for the poor engineer who had to fix up the rooms he demolished with his stupid lightsaber. I walked forward cautiously. As I peered around the corner I saw a tall, cloaked figure stalking towards a cafeteria table. He flipped it without even lifting his arm, and slashed it midair. Through his voice converter came rugged, heavy breathing. Yep. It was definitely him. Then he stopped short, and turned towards me. I couldn’t see his eyes, but I knew he was staring at me. Glaring, probably. Call it a guess. Instead of running, which would’ve been the wiser option, I header for one of the unmelted tables and sat down, glaring back at him. It was 5:00 in the morning, so only pilots, scouts and officials were awake. There were only a couple of people in the cafeteria apart from the two of us, so I glanced around at them instead. I saw Captian Phasma, who was avoiding my eyes, and my friend Natanya, who was widening her eyes and making jerking gestures towards me with her head. I closed my eyes and concentrated. I sent her a sentence through my mind. Not the time. I also gave an imperceivable head shake, and she got the message. Unfortunately, I think Kylo did too. He had been watching me the whole time, but now moved. “You,” he said, walking towards me, “You’re force sensitive.” I shrugged. “So?” I asked. “Come with me. Now.” He barked. I got up and followed him, right on his heels. He walked out of the cafeteria and down a hallway. Shit, couldn’t he slow down a bit? “Where are we going?” I asked, trying to sound less scared than I actually was. Kylo didn’t answer. Instead he asked, “What is your name?” “Uh, (name)” I responded. He just nodded. Five minutes in and we were almost on the top floor of the Finalizer, where only the officials stayed. Then it hit me. Asshat Buckethead was taking me to Supreme Leader Snoke’s chambers. I stopped, turned around, and ran. That was probably the dumbest thing I’ve ever done in my life, and I once cleaned a blaster while pointing it at my face. I think Ren must’ve been surprised, because it took him a second or two to react. But then I felt it. I was being dragged backwards, and my throat was closing in. “Don’t try to run. You won’t get very far.” 

ButtBucket led me through Stoke’s chambers, into a wide, high ceilinged room. It was tinted red, but not in a nice way. Sitting in the middle of the room on a chair sat Stoke. I’d never seen him before, and he took me by surprise. I thought he would be tall and sharp faced, muscly and strong. But sitting in front of me was a hunched over, withered old man who looked like he had been severely burnt. In fact, he reminded me of a- “Be quiet (name),” he said, looking at me, “For I can hear your thoughts.” Oh, shit. “I can see why you brought her, Ren. She’s very strong with the force, I’m surprised I hadn’t sensed her presence sooner. She would be a strong adversary, perhaps even a match to you. What is your job on this ship, child?” I looked at Ren. His fists were clenched, and I didn’t think he was happy. “Um, a pilot. For the General’s squadron.” Snoke sneered. “Impressive,” he remarked. “I’m sure Hux won’t mind losing one of his crew.” Well, actually he would. Hux really really really hated me, and he’d done his best at preventing me from all the important missions, even though I’d graduated top of my training. “Step forward, both.” Kylo hesitated, then took a step forward. I followed suit. “You will teach this girl how to fight with a saber. She will be your second in command. And to make sure you follow through, I’ll bridge your minds.” I felt light headed. Kylo lunged forward, hand on saber. Snoke put one hand out and suddenly my mind went blank. When my thoughts returned, something felt off. My thoughts felt exposed, naked somehow. So did my emotions, like they weren’t private. Then I felt rage. Pure hatred and anger coursed through my body, and I almost collapsed. Son of a bitch... Kill him.... Stuck here.... Dumb girl. I could hear Ren’s thoughts. Before I got anything else, I could feel a wall come up between us. I couldn’t feel or hear anything of Kylo’s, but my emotions and thoughts still seemed exposed. “Now go,” Snoke spat, “and learn.” With that, he dismissed us. Kylo stormed out of the room, and I ran after him. As soon as he was out of the chambers he grabbed his lightsaber and started melting stuff. Again and again and again, his saber cut through metal and plastic like butter. “Hey! Stop.” I cried, running towards him. When he didn’t, I extend my open palm and used the force to drag the saber towards my hand, hilt first. It landed in my hand, warm from Kylo’s touch. I pressed its button and it turned off, then I handed it back to Ren. “Look, I’m sorry that you have to work with me. I know. But hey, it can’t be worse than having to work with Hux, right?” He stared at me for a second. Oh no. Then he did something crazy. He laughed. Well, not really a laugh, more like a bark since, you know, the converter, but still. “Plus,” I added, “I’m a quick learner.” Kylo turned round and started off again. “Fine. Training starts tomorrow at 3:00 in the morning, and then we go to my ship. I’ve got a mission I need to attend to. I understand you’re a pilot?” He asked. “Yeah.” “Good. You can fly the craft. We can train in the gym rooms.” And then he left.  
I had 3 major problems. I had no idea were I was, I was starving, and I had to wake up at 3:00 in the morning. I hope Ren knew what he was getting himself in to. 

The next morning I woke up at 2:30. I quickly got ready and ran towards the cafeteria. I checked my watch. 2:45. Great, the cafeteria should be just opening. But when I got there, it was still closed. SHIT! Are you kidding me?! Actually? Fuck! I stormed around the cafeteria, kicking tables and chairs over and swearing. “Calm down.” Came a voice behind me. “I got you a sandwich.” I whipped around, ready to fight. I stopped short when I saw Kylo holding a ham and cheese sandwich in his hand. “Oh.” I breathed. “Thanks.” Maybe he’s not so bad after all. “I think you’ll find I’m not,” scoffed Ren, “And no, I heard your screaming and just wanted you to shut up and get out of my head.” Oh right, you can read my thoughts. Kylo nodded. “Now move, we’ve got training to do.” 

Once we were inside the gym rooms, Kylo sat down on a chair. He levitated another one right in front of him, and gestured for me to sit. I sat. “You don’t have to wear that mask, you know.” I didn’t expect him to take it off, but Ren lifted his hands up to his head and took his mask off. It came off with a decompressing noise, and I realised that I’d never seen Kylo Ren without his mask before. He was...Wow. Longish dark hair, perfect and shiny. Deep, dark chocolate eyes. A light dusting of freckles. A nose that would’ve been too big, but somehow worked on him. Whoa, he’s hot. Kylo blushed. “I can still hear you,” he said, but the corners of his mouth were upturned in a small smile. I couldn’t stop staring at his eyes. There was something so deep, so hurt, in his eyes, that I could feel my own welling up. I looked away and coughed. Suddenly my emotions felt severely exposed. I shot a look at Kylo. He was staring into my eyes, reading my emotions. For a moment I felt a weird connection, like Ren and I were one being. But then it faltered, and burned out. I didn’t say anything. Neither did he. After a few awkward moments, Kylo muttered, “Pick up these using the force.” I turned to see what he was gesturing to. Five dumbbells were levitating towards my face, fast. I outstretched my palm and clenched it onto a fist. I focused on the unbalance between the dumbbells and it’s movement, willing them to equalise. All five stopped, hovering in front of my nose. I pushed them further away and let them clatter towards the ground. “Again.” Five more came, and this time I stopped them almost instantly. “Once more.” This time a whole treadmill came towards me. This time I struggled. The treadmill slowed, but didn’t stop. “We can work on that.” Kylo said. “You’re very strong with the force. You don’t use it much, however.” “I know,” I replied, “I prefer not to.” Kylo studied my face carefully, then said “I want to study your mind later.” “Okay.” I replied. “Just as long as you don’t have to cut my brain open.” I snickered. Kylo didn’t laugh. For a second I freaked out, thinking he was actually going to cut open my brain. Then he said “why would I do that?” “Oh, thank god.” I breathed. “Now move. We have to do hand to hand. Did you bring a saber (name)?” “Do I look like the kind of person who’d carry a lightsaber?” I asked. “Fine, take this.” He tossed me a slender pole thingy, then advanced with his own. Quick disclaimer: I am not the crazy athletic type. Sure, I’m okay, but not Kylo Ren standard. He moved crazy fast, and with a lot of power. Plus, he’s 2 metres tall, easy. So when he lunged towards me, I played defence. I grabbed my pole and held it up as he crashed down on it with his. I used the force to throw him off balance, which must’ve shocked him, cause he shifted and pulled his pole away to gain balance. I used that moment to tap my pole on his chest. “You just died,” I scoffed. Ren growled. “Again.” The second fight was brutal. Ren didn’t play fair. He used his force to knock me off my feet completely, then winded me with his pole and slammed the pole downwards, towards my face, cushioning the edge with the force so I didn’t get stabbed. He got me right in the eye. I groaned and rolled over. Kylo must’ve realised he overstepped the line, because he apologised quietly. “I’m sorry,” he said. “No worries,” I said, using my pole to slash the air towards Kylo. That guy has super fast reflexes, cause he stopped it straight away, raising an eyebrow. “Nice try,” he chuckled. I rolled my eyes, smirking. “What next?” I asked. Kylo’s face snapped back to its serious look. “Come with me.” 

Kylo led me out of the gym rooms towards a spacious sitting area filled with cushions and sofas. Whoa, I’ve never seen this place before. It’s so... nice. I didn’t know the Finalizer has places like these. I wonder how long I can stay here before Arse-itage finds me. “None,” Ren said, reading my thoughts. “This is officials only.” Aw. “Sit,” he said, gesturing towards a cushion. Again, I sat. I predicted Ren’s next move and pulled a cushion close to me. A little too close, maybe. Whatever. He sat. “I’m going to sift through your memories. Important ones only, though. I need to find out more about you, who you are, where you come from.” I took a deep breath. “Okay.” “Close your eyes.” I did. After a few seconds memories started replaying in my mind. They started off as immediate memories, from the last few minutes. But Kylo didn’t find anything interesting, so he pushed them aside. Further and further, he went back. He slowed down when he got to my recruitment and the friends I had made. He shifted a little further back to my studies, and found nothing interesting, until he got to my graduation. He played the moment I graduated top of my flight class, and I felt a little surge of pride. Then he went back, to my teen years. I was tired of seeing my own memories, so I opened my mind. He started blushing, and I closed my eyes. Kylo was looking at the memory of me losing my virginity. “Hey!” I cried. “Easy!” He backed off, and sped towards my childhood. He stopped when he came to a memory of my 5th birthday. It was on my planet, C4-R9. My parents were there, wearing their Rebellion uniforms. So was my older brother, grinning. He was wearing the Rebellion uniform as well. I opened my eyes. Kylo’s face was dangerously dark. Then 3 memories of my own played, without Kylo needing to play it. They were all the same. The first was a letter telling of my Father’s death, blown to bits when he had tried to destroy a Star Destroyer. Then my mother’s, who had been killed by a stormtrooper while doing a Rebellion trade. All I had left was my brother, but then his letter came, too. He had been impaled on a light saber in hand to hand combat with an Imperial guard. That was the day I became an orphan. I opened my eyes, tears streaming down my face. Kylo has stopped, and was staring at my face. It wasn’t dangerous anymore. It was quiet. “I’m sorry.” “No, it’s not y-your fault-t,” I stammered. “I think I’ve had enough for the day, Kylo.” I got up to go, and so did he. “Wait.” I turned around. “Yes?” I sniffed. “Why did you join the First Order?” “What?” I asked. Ren exhaled. “Why did you do it? You’re not a traitor, I can see that. But why did you join us?” I laughed quietly. “After you guys murdered my family, I figured if you can’t beat them, join them.” Then I walked out. 

I didn’t see Kylo for several days after that. I was too pre-occupied with my job, because Arse-itage has chosen to call me into his galley day after day, jeer at me, and send me on impossible tasks. Plus I had a black eye from when Kylo slammed my face in training, which didn’t add to my mood. After 4 days of this I showed up on Hux’s galley bridge, only to find him waiting for me. He sneered. “Ah, Ren’s little toy,” he spat. “I am not anyone’s toy” I growled. “I see,” sneered Hux. He lunged forward, pinning me up against the wall with one hand. Panic flooded through me. Shit, shit, shit! Ouch, ow ow ow o- I used the force to slam down on Hux’s windpipe, cutting off his breath. He took his hands off my throat, clawing at his own. I kicked him in the nards and made a start for the door, but I slammed into a black wall of leather. Ooft. Kylo towered over me, glaring at Hux, who was doubled over panting. “I suggest you don’t touch (name),” drawled Ren, “Or else your injuries might not be as minor.” Hux coughed. “You watch yourself Ren!” He sneered. “Remember, I’m one promotion away from being a commander as well. And then, we’re equals.” “I look forward to that day,” spat Ren, “but for the moment, keeps your hands to yourself. Come.” Kylo gestured towards me, so I got up from my undignified position on the floor and jogged after him. You didn’t have to do that, you know. I can protect myself. “I know,” replied Ren, “but Hux is General. He has allies on this ship who wouldn’t think twice before ending you.” Oh. Right. “What are we doing today then?” I asked. “Well, since you stormed off on the day of my mission, I postponed it till today.” Looking a bit sheepish, he added, “I got rid of the last pilot.” “What do you mean, got rid of?” Kylo didn’t answer. Instead, he lead me to the Finalizer’s hangar, where most of the First Order’s navy were. I thought we’d be taking a small craft, but Kylo led me to a Fulminatrix. My jaw dropped. For your information, a Fulminatrix is in the same class as a Dreadnought. It was huge. Kylo walked straight up the drawbridge and didn’t look back. I hustled after him, and followed him to the cockpit. He was already seated, waiting for me. “We leave now.” “Um, ok,” I said, flicking switches and pressing buttons. I pulled out of the hangar, and used the Fulminatrix’s map to lead us to our destination. As we approached the final stop, I halted. The map had led us to an accretion disk, and in the middle of it sat a black hole. The disk was beautiful. It was red, orange and yellow. I breathed in sharply. “Wow.” I breathed, looking at Kylo. He had his head cocked to one side, and I couldn’t see his eyes through his helmet. Then he took it off. His eyes were cold and dangerous. He didn’t seem to care about the disk though, because what he said next really got me. “Destroy it.” Are you bloody insane? “You can’t destroy a black hole!” I cried. “It’s impossible.” Kylo looked confused. “Not that,” he said. “That planet.” I looked to where his finger was pointing and I went numb. He was pointing to Tredaan, a small but famous Rebellion base. It had been pretty elusive, but he had found it. We were under the cover of the black hole, so one jump to light speed and a bomb would destroy the whole planet. I breathed heavily, wondering if any of my parent’s friends or my own friends would be there. Kylo’s voice snapped me back to reality. “Now.” I took a deep breath and pushed the controls fully forward, then braced myself. In a blink we were directly in front of the planet. We would’ve alerted their systems so any second now they’d send fighters and craft. Now was the time. But I didn’t press the bomb deploy button. Something I’d sensed on the planet was stopping me. Instead, I ripped the controls back just as the first warning shots from Tredaan started firing around us. We jumped back towards the disk. “What are you doing?” Yelled Kylo. “Go back and fire!” I took a shuddering breath and looked straight into Kylo’s eyes. “No.” I sent Kylo a memory then, accompanied with a mental image from the planet. The memory was of a toddler being held up by a nanny, taking her first steps. Then the image was of the woman on Tredaan in the markets, with children of her own. That had been my nanny. She was on Tredaan, and there was no way I was blowing it up. I’m sorry. Before Kylo could say anything, searing pain and anger rushed through my body. Memories of death and killing and destruction flashed through my mind, and my throat was closing in, quickly and painfully. I struggled to breathe, clawing at my throat. Kylo, no! Let go. Pause. Then Kylo thought.You let me down. You will feel the cons- I didn’t hear anymore, because I chose that moment to black out. Kylo let go in shock, and swore. He picked up my body and ran towards the medics on the plane. 

When I woke up, I was in the sick bay on the Finalizer. I remembered what had happened and swore under my breath. I tried turning next, but it hurt like hell. I groaned, eyes welling up. I sat there for a couple of minutes, trying to stop myself from crying. Then the ward door flung open, and  
Natanya walked in. “Ella!” She cried, running towards me and throwing her arms around my neck. It hurt a ton, but I didn’t care. I burst into tears, and cried into her shoulder. Natanya pulled back. She knew something was wrong. “Don’t talk. Just show.” I nodded, which hurt even more, and used the force to send a snippet of the memory to Natanya. Her face darkened. “I’ll kill him. My mom and uncle are staying on Tredaan right now. I’m so glad you didn’t shoot,” she cried, hugging me carefully. I smiled. Natanya and I had been friends since birth, and like me, her parents had served in the Rebellion. She was on the First Order as a stormtrooper, even though she was smart enough to be a top engineer. She was really pretty too, with long black hair and chocolate skin. Whenever she took of her stormtrooper helmet, heads would turn everywhere. When we were little, we used to play a game of catch. She’d throw rocks at me, and I’d stop them with the force. In hindsight, probably not the safest game. “Stay away from him. I’m warning you. You’re getting too close to him.” “Am not!” I scoffed. “You’ve got a little bit of a crush, hey?” Nat laughed. “No.. Well, I don’t think so. He’s pretty hot though, okay? He has the most amazing eyes, and-“ Then the door burst open. Kylo stormed in, and Nat and I shared a look as we realised he’d probably heard everything, because he was trying to hide a blushing face. He looked at Nat, still in her stormtrooper uniform. “You. Get out.” He spat. Nat raised her eyebrows at me, getting up and heading for the door. She shot Kylo a dirty look on her way out, and in return he slammed the door on her heels using the force. He then sat down on the chair next to my bed. I stared him down for a couple of seconds, and then he spoke. “I came to apologise. I sensed you wake up. I only meant to scold you, not to knock you unconscious. I promise not to destroy Tredaan, and I’ll promote you to-“ “Get the fuck out of my room” I spat. “I hate you.” Kylo looked hurt and taken aback. And for the first time in forever, I heard Kylo Ren stammer. “I-I apologised.” Kylo winced as a rush of anger surged through me and through him. I HATE YOU! GET OUT NOW. Kylo got up. “I’m sorry.” Then he was gone, leaving me alone. Not for long though, because Nat came running back in. “What did he say? Did he hurt you?” “No,” I said. “But the Kylo Ren did come in and apologise.” Natanya’s jaw dropped. “Son of a bitch.” “Yeah,” I laughed. He isn’t so bad, I thought. At least the guy has manners. Then I stopped thinking about him, because I knew Kylo could hear me.

For the next few days I just stayed with Natanya, watching her train and eating with her and staying in her room, the whole time sporting a thick purple ring on my neck from where Kylo had throttled me. I trained with the stormtroopers because I had nothing better to do. I ate with Nat because I didn’t want to be lonely. I slept over because I didn’t want Kylo to visit me again. Then one day at lunch Phasma came over, handing me a letter and sitting down. “Ren wants you to meet with him today for training. I heard what happened on the Fulminatrix. I’m so sorry.” I looked at Phasma and in that moment realised that I liked her. “But hey, at least you got a cool necklace out of it.” We laughed. I shot a look at Nat, who was staring at Phasma. I doubt Nat had ever talked to Phasma, let alone ate lunch with her. That just made me laugh even more. 

I decided that I’d go back to my room. Nat came with me. When I opened the door I slipped and fell ass-first onto about 6 or 7 letters. All of them were from Kylo. “Obsessive fuck” Nat scoffed. I opened and read all of them. They all wanted to meet for training, getting less and less polite each note. I sighed. Fine, I’m coming. For once, I hoped Kylo could hear me. “I’d better get ready,” I told Nat. She got the message and left. I got ready and slipped into a black halter neck shirt and black jeans, then put on a black leather jacket on top. Simple but classy. I headed towards the gym room, but Kylo was waiting for me outside. “Not here.” He said. He turned and led me away. I wonder where we’re going. Ugh, I’m still so pissed at him. Look at him, all tall and mysterious. He smells nice. I like him without his mask. It’s hot. I wonder if he can pick me up. Shut up me. Ren smirked. He wasn’t wearing his mask now. I realised he wasn’t wearing his mask much at all anymore, just carried it around a lot. We walked and walked, turning heads everywhere. A stormtrooper nudged his friend and said something. Kylo threw him backwards by clenching his fist. Cool, I wonder if I can do that. I clenched my fist and the other stormtrooper flew up 4 feet in the air. I panicked and unclenched my fist. He fell to the floor. I ran over and apologised profusely, but left quickly when I realised Ren hadn’t stopped walking. We were on the top floors of the Finalizer, near Snoke’s chambers. I realised that Kylo was taking me to his room. I didn’t run. In fact, I was kind of curious to see the what the Commander of the First Order’s quarters would look like. We walked through a black corridor and Kylo stopped at the only room in the hall with a black handle. He hesitated, then opened the door. I followed him inside, and my jaw dropped when I saw the room’s interior. The room was nice. Black, with red and silver accents, like Kylo and his light saber. A black leather sofa, with detached rooms, unlike my standard pilot- issued studio apartment. Kylo sat down on the sofa. He gestured for me to sit on a parallel armchair, so I did. “I’m sure you’re confused as to why I called you to my quarters. I know you’re still mad at me, so I’m going to train you to block your thoughts and emotions off from me.” “Okay,” I said coldly. “How.” I heard Kylo’s voice inside my head. Close your eyes. I did. Make a rock wall using your mind. Start with one rock, and then build up. The first time will be difficult and tiresome, but it will become easier. So I did. I imagined a few of my thoughts as a marble, and then I wrapped it in a rock. I placed the rock. Then I made another. Then another. Then I made emotion rocks. One by one, building upwards. Soon my wall was almost done, and I opened my eyes. Kylo was looking at me, and he looked....Sad. He didn’t want me to put up the wall. I didn’t want to put it up either. But this was something I needed to learn, and Kylo wanted me to forgive him and to be able to trust him. 

I put the final rock up.  
I got up to go, thanking Ren curtly. But he put a hand on my knee. I was shocked. I stared at Ren. “One more thing” he said. Then he closed he eyes and leaned forward, pressing his lips against mine. He put a hand on my cheek and pulled me closer. My rock wall came tumbling down, and Kylo’s thoughts and emotions were there, waiting for me. A surge of calm and want ran through me, along with gorgeous... forgive me please.... kiss her.. I so wanted to kiss him, but I couldn’t. I pulled back, tears welling in my eyes. Kylo frowned, looking guilty. Anger and pain and confusion returned, but this time it came from me. “Kylo, no! I can’t do this, not now! You choked me and... and you hurt me, and this is how I’m meant to forgive you? I have to go.” I sobbed, running through the doors. I didn’t even know where I was going. I put the wall up as I ran, and I could hear Ren asking me to stop, to come back, to forgive him, he was sorry, but I put the wall up and didn’t let it come down. I ran to Nat’s room and banged on the door. It was late by now, and she opened the door with bleary eyes. When she saw my face, sobbing and sniffling, she flung her arms around me and dragged me inside. I told her everything. We sat together, her arms wrapped around me, for hours. I cried uncontrollably. Finally she turned to face me. “I want you to know I’m here for you. I always will be. But I need to tell you something.” I looked at her. “What is it?” She took a deep breath. “You like Kylo Ren.” I choked on my own breathing. “What?” “Yeah,” she said, “I suspected it when I was in the hospital. When he walked in, you looked... Happy, Ella. And now look, you’re so worked up, it’s crazy. A normal guy wouldn’t do this to you. But Kylo isn’t normal. I think... I think he likes you back.” I sat there, shocked. Nat was right. I had tried to ignore it, suppress it, stop it, but I couldn’t. I did like Kylo. A lot. And when he kissed me, I got so angry because I hadn’t pulled away sooner. And I was upset and confused. “I’m gonna leave you now,” Nat said, “feel free to stay the night.” I flopped on her couch. That night as I was drifting off, I thought of Kylo. For a long time. At around midnight, I felt the wall in my mind being nudged. It started off soft, but then it became too hard to ignore. I pulled a rock away, carefully, and an image slipped through, into my mind. It was from the observation deck, of a cluster of nebulae. They were beautiful. Purple and blue and green and silver. I smiled softly. I’m sorry. It was Kylo. I got up and walked to the giant glass window in Natanya’s living window. Three moons, gold and silver were coming into view. I slipped the image through the crack in my wall. But I didn’t say anything. Then I pushed my wall over completely, and I let Kylo in. As I slept, I could feel his presence, and it made me feel safe. 

When I woke up, I felt lonely. Kylo’s presence was gone. However, Nat had left me a note:  
Morning sunshine :) meet me in the cafeteria if you can, I’m leaving at 5:30.  
I checked my watch. 5:35. Great, she’d only just be lining up. I ran to the cafeteria to find Nat standing in the line with Phasma, chatting away like they were best friends. I sidled up to them and cut the line. “Hey!” I said. “Ella, you’ll never guess what! Phasma’s promoting me to her second in command!” I looked at Phasma, who’d taken her helmet off. She was quite pretty, with short platinum hair and blue eyes. She was grinning. “I’m sure she’ll be great,” Phasma said, “but I’ve also got some news for you. Kylo’s going on a mission for a week. Mitaka said you’ve been granted permission for updates and information, so hopefully you’ll be ok?” I groaned. I’d been hoping I could spend some time talking to Kylo. I already missed him, as much as I hated to say it. I finished eating breakfast with Nat and told her I’d be gone for 5 minutes. I made my way to the main deck on the Finalizer, where Dopheld Mitaka would be. I stopped short in my tracks when I saw him talking to Hux. I waited for them to finish their conversation, and it took forever. Nat would be wondering where I was by now. Mitaka turned to me. “Ah, Miss Robinson. I expect you’ll be wanting the updates. Let me go get them.” I cringed, knowing Hux wouldn’t go with him. As soon as Mitaka was out of the room, Hux spun towards me. He stalked across the bridge until he was right in front of me. Yuck, he’s so pasty. And you could warm your hands over that fiery hair. Good god. “Ah, Kylo’s little toy.” “Fuck off” I spat. Hux’s eye muscle twitched and he slammed me against the wall, planting his hands on either side of my head and pressing his body against mine. “I said, fuck off!” I yelled. Hux didn’t move. “And I didn’t listen. You’re quite a pretty girl, you know. I can see why Kylo likes you,” he hissed, narrowing his eyes. “Mitaka!” I yelled, freaking out. “Mitaka!” Hux’s face was getting dangerously close to mine. I didn’t want to know what he was about to do. I didn’t need to either, because Natanya chose that moment to run up and jump onto Hux’s back, pressing the blade of a pocket knife against his throat. “She said let go honey,” Nat spat. “So let go.” Hux let go of me and stumbled back. He shook Nat off and turned to face us. “You won’t get away with this!” He barked. “Well,” said Nat, “we could tell everyone the truth and say that you were pressing suggestively against my friend, and then you wouldn’t get away with it. Besides, I don’t think Kylo Ren would be happy with the fact you were about to snog his toy.”  
I sighed. “Don’t call me that.” “Sorry. Force of habit.” I rolled my eyes. Hux seethed and turned on heel to find Mitaka, but he had already come back. “The Fulminatrix vessel left this morning at 3:00. Kylo Ren is piloting, and insisted that you didn’t come. He said... He said he didn’t want you hurt.” I blushed as Nat whistled and Hux glared at me. A little bit of my heart melted at that. “Okay, time to go.” I exhaled. Nat stood there, smirking at me. “I said move!” We jogged out, leaving Mitaka and Hux to their conversation. 

The next few days were really boring. I’d wake up (in my own room), then meet Natanya and occasionally Phasma in the cafeteria, eat, go see Mitaka, avoid Hux, go watch the stormtroopers train, eat lunch, get another update, go to the hangar and check out new arrivals, have dinner, read a bit, then go to sleep. On the sixth day of Kylo’s mission, I got a letter from Mitaka. An assassination attempt had been made on Ren, but no more information had been delivered. I spent the whole day in my room, sending messages to Kylo and praying he was alright. I had been trying to connect to his mind for a solid hour when something happened. My chest started being pulled, and I felt like I was being dragged forward. I clenched my fists, and focused. Then whatever was pulling on me snapped. A rush of thoughts and emotions so intense hit me that I started crying. It was Kylo. He was there. Then two words filled my head. I’m ok. I smiled through my sobbing and wrapped my force around his. Then he was gone. When I woke up on the seventh day, I went back to Natanya and spent the day dancing and messing around with her. We had the best time. We went into the science labs and let out a flock of porgs. We got yelled at by the scientists, but it was totally worth it. Her promotion was working out just fine, and Kylo was still alive. Everything was working out just fine. On the day of Kylo’s arrival, I spent the whole day waiting for Mitaka’s message. But it didn’t come. I waited and waited, growing more and more nervous. In the end I couldn’t take it anymore. I got up from my room and ran to Kylo’s chambers. On any other day I would’ve gotten terribly lost, but today I could feel a force pulling me through the corridors towards him. I wanted Kylo. I bumped into Hux, but I just threw him against the wall and kept running. When I got to Kylo’s room I didn’t ever bother knocking. I’d opened the door using the force before I was even in front of it. I stood in the doorway, panting. Kylo was sitting on his sofa, with his helmeted head in his hands. He was crying. Through his voice converter it sounded so, so, sad. “Kylo.” He looked up. I walked towards him and knelt in front of him. I reached up and unhooked his helmet. I dropped it onto the floor. Tears were streaming down his face, over a fresh scar, running from his cheek down to his jaw. I put my hand on his face, running my thumb over his scar. “I’m broken,” he muttered. “I’ve been living in pain and anger and... and-” “and I can fix you.” I ended, looking into his eyes. Then I leaned forward and placed my lips against his, shutting the door using the force behind me. I let my feelings rush into Kylo, wanting and concern and love. He kissed me back, dipping his head forward to deepen it. Then he picked me up and put me on his lap. I unhooked his cloak and ran my hands down his shoulders and through his hair. Then he grabbed my hand and got up, taking me into his bedroom. He laid me down onto the bed, and took off my shirt. He was reading my thoughts, and knew just what I wanted. He took off his shirt, and I saw his chest. He had an eight pack, but a nasty scar ran across his chest, matching the one on his face. He eyed me hungrily, and I took off my jeans, kicking them to the side. He followed. Then he eyed me hungrily, muttering “you’re amazing.” I smiled, laughing. Then he fell onto the bed. Let’s just say, I slept in his room that night. 

When I woke up that morning, Kylo was still asleep. I studied his face. The anger and pain was gone, replaced with calmness and peace. His freckles matched mine. He looked 10 years younger. I kissed his face, and got dressed. I went to the kitchen and made pancakes. I didn’t even know what food Kylo liked, because I never saw him eat. But I took a guess. Plus, I’m a pretty good cook. When I went back into the bedroom, I saw Kylo sitting on the bed, fully dressed, wearing his mask. I walked towards him, and for the second time in the last 24 hours, I unhooked his mask. I lifted it off his head and tossed it onto the bed. For the first time in forever, Kylo Ren grinned at me. I grinned back. “You look better without that mask, you know.” He leaned forward and kissed me gently, one hand on my cheek.  
I love you.  
I smiled, laughing softly.  
I love you too.


End file.
